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20 December 2020 @ 01:03 am
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11 August 2013 @ 09:18 pm
Feeling a little nostalgic sitting here in Rail Mall Coffeebean - a place I used to come so frequently I called it my second home. Just unwinding, doing my devotions and reflecting. I feel like I've really grown in several ways since the last time I've sat here - my spirit man is strengthened and sharpened, and I'm gaining clarity regarding what the Lord is doing in my life and in His Kingdom in this season. I've grown to have a more positive outlook in life, learning to treasure the joy of the Lord in my heart and put thankfulness on my lips. Learning to love a little more, embracing others as my brothers & sisters, fathers & mothers. With age comes a little more life experiences, and I've had quite a few stormy seasons of late having to deal with difficult situations at work and in love with compassion and grace, applying whatever little wisdom I have along the way.. Most recently I've learnt to come to a place of surrender - the secret of life is letting go! - for that's the place where I find true peace as I place my trust and hopes upon Abba Father. He knows and loves me best, and He's in control.

There's still so much more work in progress... areas in my life that the Lord will in time sort out. I'm just so glad that I don't have to do life alone.. that there's always the Spirit who guides me, spiritual parents who cover me, friends and family who love me. For I know I am loved by the King, and it makes me want to sing :)
 
 
31 March 2013 @ 10:54 pm

My heart aches. I don't understand, Lord.

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11 March 2013 @ 08:50 am

5 years.

We were like two strings entangled with each other, inseparable even when we tried to walk away. Eventually we hit a dead knot, and the knot was too great to overcome, so a scissors was finally put to the strings, separating the two apart, setting them free.

People always say, "you should marry your best friend." I believed it too & held on to this wish - a simple wish that set me on a roller coaster ride of hoping and being disappointed. No one else came close to being my best friend.. Will I find another like you?

So this is how the story - finally - ends. There's no happily ever after. No more possibilities, no more hope, none of a future together. Looking back on the 5 years, though there were truly happy moments, this chapter has brought more sadness than happiness to my life.. And this shall be the last time my heart breaks for you.

Dear Lord...I look to you. You're where my help comes from. You will turn ashes into beauty. You're the author of my love story. Into your hands, I commit again.

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16 August 2012 @ 12:34 am
It's been an overwhelmingly tough August. It is a month when many of my plans did not unfold the way I had envisioned them to, thus throwing me off my footing quite a bit. I've been managing several major transitions of late not only on the relationship front but also in my career and ministry, thus to say that August has been a real test is clearly an understatement.

I recently closed a chapter with an amazing guy, we're still good friends but have now chosen to walk our separate journeys. Nobody's heart was broken in the process - in fact I do believe that we had dealt with the matter in a way that's God-pleasing - but I must admit that in the wake of it I do struggle with loneliness having to adjust to life without him. I wonder too, how many more of such experiences must I go through before I find someone whom I can entrust my heart with? Will I even be able to meet someone who is as good, or even better than him? It's starting to get tiring, and I'd really hate to be disappointed again.. guess these are just some very human thoughts.. It's also sometimes very tempting to get someone else to fill up this space that has been left behind as I deal with the loneliness, but God forbid that I ever do that to my brothers in Christ.

I do feel like the wind and waves have tossed me around and messed me up quite abit. Yet, God knows and desires nothing short of the best for me. Above all He is in control, and I'm clinging on dearly to Him.. trusting, surrendering, putting my hope in Him - my Rock, my Anchor, my sure Foundation. He is ever present, ever real, ever guiding and leading me; so thankful that I have the Holy Spirit in me who is both my counselor, my guide and my provider. Let this be my prayer today: "I wait in hope for the Lord, He is my help and shield. In him my heart rejoices, for I trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love surround me Lord." Psalm 33. Finally, I declare this promise over my life -- Your grace is sufficient for me, for your strength is made perfect in my weakness! Amen. 
 
 
 
06 August 2012 @ 01:16 pm

So lost and confused.. Lord be my anchor.

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11 June 2012 @ 11:32 pm

The past week has been filled with so many breakthroughs!! I am so, so happy and blessed beyond words <3

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28 May 2012 @ 10:06 pm
An article from Thought Catalog. Some of these things here are so incredibly true.. especially those in bold.


25 Things I’ve Learned In My 20s


MAY. 21, 2012 
  1. You can’t date a jerk and expect to turn them into a good person. Jerks are fully committed to being unpleasant. Those brief moments of tenderness they give you are designed to trip you up and give you false hope. It’s best to stay away altogether.
  2. The rumors are true: your metabolism does slow down as you get older! That means if you’re still eating whatever you want, there’s a good chance you’ll start to gain an awkward amount of weight. It won’t be too drastic but your clothes will start to hang differently on your body and you’ll feel an overall feeling of unattractiveness. Start to be conscious of what you eat and strive to live a healthier lifestyle if you want to get your teen body back. (Let’s be real though, that might not ever come back.)
  3. You’re going to lose touch with a lot of your friends. With some people, it will be expected but with others it will feel like a punch to the stomach. No friendship is truly safe in your twenties. You’re undergoing so many personal and professional changes that there’s bound to be some casualties along the way. Don’t worry though. You’ll end up with the ones that matter. If someone’s no longer in your life, it’s for a reason.
  4. You’ll be jealous of everyone who’s more successful than you. That’s okay. Just transfer that jealousy into something productive, like working really hard so you can one day eclipse them and make them feel jealous of YOU.
  5. You’ll question every decision you make and never feel completely certain that you made the right choice. It’s pointless to wonder though. You’re here now so you might as well make it be the right decision.
  6. You’re going to give your heart to a few people who don’t deserve it. Then, one day you’ll come to your senses and ask them to give it back.
  7. You’ll see your parents get older. You’ll come home during Christmas break and see new lines developing on their faces. One day it’ll just hit you that your parents are old and going to die. There’s nothing you can do about it, besides treat them with kindness and visit as much as your budget permits.
  8. You’ll have a boss who makes you feel like you’re nothing. It doesn’t have to be in a Devil Wears Prada way. The cruelty can be much more subtle. Don’t let them get to you though. They have no idea who the hell you really are and you’re probably going to have their job someday so…
  9. Doing drugs is fun until it’s not, until it starts affecting your life in negative ways and leaves you feeling guilty and wrecked. If that happens, you should stop doing them.
  10. You’re going to puke in public. It’s fine. No one cares. Just puke.
  11. You’ll know how to make twenty dollars last an entire week because you spent almost all of your paycheck on groceries at Whole Foods and drunk cab rides. This lesson in frugality will serve you well. [This just happened last week T_T]
  12. You’re going to betray your convictions. You’re going to feel shame. You’re going to continue to put yourself in situations that aren’t good for you. And then, slowly but surely, it will become less frequent. It might not ever go away completely but it won’t be as bad. In the meantime, stop shame spiraling about it. It gets you nowhere.
  13. Loving yourself is hard. Hating yourself is harder.
  14. You’re going to hook up with someone who you would never touch in the daylight sober. Just don’t freak out too much about it. Consider it to be your good deed for the day.
  15. You’re going to have people in your life who are toxic. They may say that they love you, they may say that they have your back, but they don’t. Get rid of them.
  16. You’ll have moments with someone that are so intense, it’ll feel like you’ve been electrocuted back to life. You’ll hold on to these moments for a long time. They’ll give you hope when you’re going through the motions.
  17. You’ll always care about your first love. That doesn’t make you crazy, it just makes you human. When relationships end, it’s not so cut and dry. You carry everyone you’ve ever loved into every relationship thereafter.
  18. You’ll enter your twenties as a fashion disaster and (hopefully) leave them looking fantastic. If you don’t know how to put yourself together by then, I really don’t know what to tell you.
  19. You’ll realize that the Internet can be a cruel son of a bitch but, you know, www.whatever.com.
  20. So much of what you think matters doesn’t actually matter at all. It’s kind of rude. Like, thanks for making me believe in things that are ultimately so inconsequential, you jerk.
  21.  You’ll treat someone terribly. Whether it to be a lover or your friend, there’ll be someone whose feelings you take for granted. We focus too much on whether or not someone is hurting us. The reality is that we might actually be the one who’s hurting someone.
  22. Doing “grown-up things” doesn’t make you a grown up. Shopping for housewares, buying a plant, embracing domesticity — these things don’t create maturity. If you’re still a baby who hasn’t figured things out, you’ll remain a baby, no matter how many times you pay your rent on time.
  23. Don’t force yourself into loving anyone. If it’s not working in the beginning, it’s probably not going to work ever.
  24. You are so lucky to have everything that you have. Stop crying about an unreturned text message and get some perspective.
  25. Don’t go too long without having sex. Ever.

 
 
26 May 2012 @ 09:37 am

It's been such an emotionally draining and tiring week.. How I wish I could just press a button and everything would fall into place, everything would work out by itself. That's what strife does to you. It wears you out, sucks away every bit of contentment and rest in you. So tired :(

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14 May 2012 @ 04:25 pm
Hello! I haven't written here in awhile.. life has been so incredible and I feel tremendously blessed. School's out (I've graduated! Hooray!!) and I have been given the luxury of much free time. While I may sometimes complain of boredom, I'm really grateful for the opportunity to spend time with people I love, doing everything and nothing at all, and just enjoying each others' companies :) These are precious moments to me. 

The weekend that has just passed was a really heartwarming one. We threw a surprise 21st birthday party for our favourite drummer Johannes, and it was a rare opportunity for me to get to know some of the older folks in the worship team. I've grown to learn that despite the age gap, they're such a fun bunch! What really touched me was the warmth and love that his siblings and parents showered on the birthday boy, as they really went out of the way to make the night such a special one for him. But the clincher was Joh's impromptu thank you speech, thanking his best friend of 21 years - his dad. My heart must have melted then :) 

The following day was Mother's Day, and I was given the very special privilege of paying a tribute to moms at the English Adult services. I had less than 2 days to prepare for the tribute, but luckily I was able to put my SMU presentation training to good use :p It was a really emotional journey right from the start of writing the script to finally delivering the speech. It made me realize the extent of my mum's love and all the sacrifices she's done for us. I felt really emotional during the tribute, and there were a few occasions where I had to fight to suppress the lump in my throat and the cracking of my voice. It was my hope to be able to make the mums feel really appreciated and valued by conveying the heart of the children, and I'm just so glad that many were blessed that day :) 

This weekend was all about relationships. One thing I've learnt - always value relationships, as they are the most precious things anyone can ever have. 
 
 
 
23 April 2012 @ 01:53 pm
“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.” -- Bob Marley
 
 
21 April 2012 @ 10:14 pm




Apple Crisp Recipe

INGREDIENTS

  • 7 tart apples, peeled, cored and sliced
  • 4 teaspoons fresh lemon juice
  • 1/2 teaspoon vanilla
  • 1 cup brown sugar
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
  • 1 cup rolled oats
  • 1/2 cup butter, room temperature

METHOD

1 Preheat oven to 375°F. In a mixing bowl, combine apples, lemon juice, and vanilla. Toss to combine.

2 Layer sliced apples in a 9 x 12-inch (or approximately the same size) baking pan.

3 Combine brown sugar, cinnamon, and oatmeal in a bowl. Cut in the butter. Sprinkle sugar mixture over apples.

4 Bake 45 minutes or until topping looks crunchy and apples are tender.

Serves 8. Serve with whipped cream or vanilla ice cream.


Posting here so I won't forget the recipe. I WILL ADD LESS SUGAR NEXT TIME!

 
 
20 April 2012 @ 03:05 am
Dating is like gambling. At the start, there is hope. Hope that it could turn out to be something good. You invest your heart, time, energy into it.. you make yourself vulnerable and let the person in.. you put yourself out there to love and be loved, but at the same time you subject yourself to disappointment. Maybe things aren't what you had hoped for them to be. Maybe it was a wrong bet after all. So then, in economic terms, do you pull out of it to "cut your losses".. or do you stay and hope for a breakthrough? 
 
 
13 April 2012 @ 11:43 am

Isn't it strange how your words still have such a hold on me?

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03 April 2012 @ 09:59 pm
She writes in cryptic codes
Cos she's afraid to show 
What's really going on inside 

Who are we fooling?